All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
We talked him into tasing himself.
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
Randomize
