I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
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