Dude my mom stole all your condoms
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
