I just made out with a guy for $7.
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Randomize
