just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
Randomize
