i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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