hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
