what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
Randomize
