The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
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