it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
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