I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
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