i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
what the fuck happened to the tacos
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