It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
Randomize
