I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
