I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
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