i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
