I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
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