Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
We don't watch enough power rangers
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
the raccoons are back...
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
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