She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
Randomize
