Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
Randomize
