I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Randomize
