yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
Randomize
