You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
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but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
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My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
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