I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
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