i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
Randomize
