took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
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