Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
Randomize