I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
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