I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
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