I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
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