I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
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Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
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We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
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