so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Randomize
