Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
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