Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
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