nutella sex= disaster
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
Randomize
