No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
There r osticjed everywhere
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
I think I just shit out all my problems.
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
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