Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
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