WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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