READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
