we have officially lost it.
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize
