Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
Randomize
