someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
and you said cock pushups were impossible
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
Randomize
