There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
Define "chronic" masturbator.
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
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