My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
Randomize
