Quick, to the slutcave!
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
Randomize
