I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
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i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
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No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
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