Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
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Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
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Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize