so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Randomize