So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
Walk of Shame. In a state park.
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Randomize
