Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
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