if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Randomize
