whats a polygalesbian?
lesbian polygamists..duh.
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
I'm determined to sit on that face.
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
Randomize
