my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
Randomize
