1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
Randomize
