It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
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