Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
My ass is underappreciated
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
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