This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
