Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
Randomize
