he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Randomize
