I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
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