Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
Dignity is for republicans.
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
Randomize
